Yes, this is real. No, you’re not crazy.

For the first time in documented history, the entire Earth is shut down. A deadly virus, for which no one was prepared, has swept across the globe leaving many shaken in the face of uncertainty. Along with the edict to stay home, many are grappling with the disruption to every area of their lives (i.e. work, school, relationships, healthcare). Because of this we have experienced a tremendous amount of loss. There has been a loss of income, a loss of routine and structure, a loss of celebrations, a loss of connection, and sadly, a loss of life.

So, what happens when loss occurs? Grief is sure to follow. Although many people are familiar with Kessler and Kubler-Ross’ stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance), they aren’t often aware that they are experiencing these stages. We have become so accustomed to responding to circumstances and completing tasks, that we aren’t always aware of the impact of the grieving process on our functioning. So allow me to break it down for you real quick.

Thinking or saying “this can’t be life” or “this is unbelievable” or even holding on to hope that your trip in two weeks is still a go… that would be denial. Snapping at family members for insignificant issues like not putting the toothpaste back… that’s probably a bit of anger. Side note, because we have also experienced a loss of control we tend to try to find things that can fulfill that need, such as keeping the toothpaste in the same exact spot. So, I get it, but still. Deciding staying home means you can still visit your blood relatives as long as no one has symptoms… bargaining. Oh and probably not the best choice to make at this time, just saying. Finally, crying, avoiding answering the phone because you’re not in the mood to talk, telling everyone in the house to stay away from you, lack of energy, difficulty concentrating, body aches… you guessed it! These are all signs of Depression.

The good thing is these are all valid and normal responses to traumatic events. And believe me, this is a traumatic event. The problem is not what you are feeling, it’s in what you are doing. Now many people have found ways to manage and cope during this stressful time. However, there are others, maybe even you, who are looking for support. I offer three tips here: acknowledge, accept, address.

In order to acknowledge your feelings, it is important that you first identify them. Do a daily check-in and ask yourself, “what am I feeling?” “what is my body telling me?” Once you identify the emotion, do not try to change it immediately, as it is important to feel your feelings. For example, if you recognize you feel irritable, accept that this is just where you are in the moment and it is a normal response given the situation. Finally address the emotion. Do something effective, such as journaling, to express the emotion, you know, try to get it out of your system. As I mentioned in a recent interview with POPSUGAR, “I recommend journaling daily because it provides an opportunity to unload thoughts and emotions that may cause problems.” It is important to have realistic expectations and understand that it likely won’t be a one and done situation. Hence, the daily check-in. So don’t give up on yourself. We’re in this together, after all.

P.S. If you are having a difficult time coping, please reach out for help. Start here if you need assistance. If you live in New Jersey, I recommend the Center for MARCUS.

Diagnosis:Grief, Cause:COVID-19